I believe that every single choice you make greatly affects your future.
No matter how small or big the choice is, it offsets the track that you were previously going on. Even the people you meet, or just decide to talk to, could impact what lies ahead. And you can never know what or who is going to be around in the future. Someone you barely talk to now could become your best friend in the future. Another that you trust could stab you in the back and leave without warning. Perhaps you may even fall in love with someone you had once considered an enemy. Everything is based upon the choices you make, the people you see, the way you view things...
With this point across, I sometimes wonder why people who have a similar view make decisions they later feel were 'bad' ones. Even I do, which to me should make no sense. But that's just human nature, isn't it? Giving in to things, even though you know they aren't seen as being kosher. Wanting things that you can't have. Hell, even doing things, hoping to be hurt by them... just to feel alive.
However, this same view makes me cautious of people... I fear making the wrong decision and I second guess the things I do. I take a while to trust people, due to my previous experiences. I don't want to have a relationship with anyone, because I remember how I felt during all my former 'real' relationships... forced to change for someone... empty inside. I would wonder where my real self had gone, and who was the person standing here that had replaced her? This self was a horrid thing... she would just listen to whatever her lover said, and try to never argue. Whenever she disagreed with what the other would say, she would just push it down and swallow. She was afraid of losing what seemed so rare to her... actually having someone there to say, "I love you."
I don't want to become someone I'm not again... and until I can figure things out, I won't. I will just have to remain single and befriend anyone that needs me... but no more.
Although in theory... I wish I could say that I should just go with whatever life throws at me, 'roll with the punches,' and feel that I shouldn't hesitate at all, because life is only lived once... or at least that's all I know so far.... but there's always something in the back of my head, telling me "no!" even though there's a longing in my chest that screams a rhyming, "go!"
No matter how small or big the choice is, it offsets the track that you were previously going on. Even the people you meet, or just decide to talk to, could impact what lies ahead. And you can never know what or who is going to be around in the future. Someone you barely talk to now could become your best friend in the future. Another that you trust could stab you in the back and leave without warning. Perhaps you may even fall in love with someone you had once considered an enemy. Everything is based upon the choices you make, the people you see, the way you view things...
With this point across, I sometimes wonder why people who have a similar view make decisions they later feel were 'bad' ones. Even I do, which to me should make no sense. But that's just human nature, isn't it? Giving in to things, even though you know they aren't seen as being kosher. Wanting things that you can't have. Hell, even doing things, hoping to be hurt by them... just to feel alive.
However, this same view makes me cautious of people... I fear making the wrong decision and I second guess the things I do. I take a while to trust people, due to my previous experiences. I don't want to have a relationship with anyone, because I remember how I felt during all my former 'real' relationships... forced to change for someone... empty inside. I would wonder where my real self had gone, and who was the person standing here that had replaced her? This self was a horrid thing... she would just listen to whatever her lover said, and try to never argue. Whenever she disagreed with what the other would say, she would just push it down and swallow. She was afraid of losing what seemed so rare to her... actually having someone there to say, "I love you."
I don't want to become someone I'm not again... and until I can figure things out, I won't. I will just have to remain single and befriend anyone that needs me... but no more.
Although in theory... I wish I could say that I should just go with whatever life throws at me, 'roll with the punches,' and feel that I shouldn't hesitate at all, because life is only lived once... or at least that's all I know so far.... but there's always something in the back of my head, telling me "no!" even though there's a longing in my chest that screams a rhyming, "go!"
And of course, another poem.
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Sonnet 57
William Shakespeare
Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require;
Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour
When you have bid your servant once adieu;
Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But like a sad slave stay and think of naught
Save, where you are, how happy you make those.
So true a fool is love that in your will,
Though you do anything, he thinks no ill.
---------------------------------
Sonnet 57
William Shakespeare
Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require;
Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour
When you have bid your servant once adieu;
Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But like a sad slave stay and think of naught
Save, where you are, how happy you make those.
So true a fool is love that in your will,
Though you do anything, he thinks no ill.
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